we apologize if we damage you - but you did sign the form! ;)

so here is to the beginning of a long-ass week. it is rainy here in the city, it is the pure grey color so close to white that it blinds if you stare at it for too long. yesterday was very long, woke up, went to my classes, played lab rat (as the rat) in the afternoon, inhaled a half of a sandwich and then went on to my afternoon class and then back to lab (as the research assistant) for the rest of the evening until about 9:30 p.m. i will say though i would rather every day of my life be like this one as opposed to wasting even more time at my old job having my life be taken minute by minute to further someone else instead of myself. i think intrinsically that will always be my greatest argument for academics over the workforce - it is your choices and your time - how you waste it is your own. 


so last night in lab was interesting. the other RA and I learned how to work the program, and we received our scripts we have to rehearse for when we meet with subjects (read participants) lol - I still can't make myself change that one - so not p.c oh well. at one point we semi-ran the experiment (of which I can not tell you on pain of death) and Joseph (the other RA) looks at me and goes "hmm, so I guess as an addendum to the script,we apologize if we, like, damaged you, but you did sign the form so - hasta!) lol since it is a small intense lab there is just our grad student Bryan and us running experiments that test each individual participant in a series of labs. in the end i think it will make for a very nice recommendation letter! score! 


so i guess that is it as far as a mini update, but since midterms are in a week and my birthday in two days life has picked up a little bit of speed. 


still loving it here though - it is starting to feel very much like home <3

Give my regards to Broadway! (the way my Grandpa hangs up the phone with me)

So, even though this post is being written close to 1am on a Saturday evening, I unfortunately cannot say that I was out frolicking in the greatness of the city tonight.


Today was a quiet day. I spent most of it doing homework- chapter outlines for psych, neuro and homeworks for stats. I enjoyed bumming about actually, staying in jammies and just enjoying the slow pace of the day. Every once and a while I think it is really important to take days like these for yourself, especially when the city itself can wear you out on the day to day. This week is shaping up to be quite a busy one for me. In addition to delving deeper into the lab and responsibilities of my Research Assistant position, this is the week before midterms hit, I have a paper and stats work due and I turn 24 years old on Thursday.


Admittedly, I was a bit sad about mid-afternoon today. This will be my first birthday in six years that I am away from Philly and have no idea how I am going to celebrate - if at all. 


I watched Murder by Death today. Truman Capote stars in it, if you didn't know. It is a great "vintage" film with an all star cast, Maggie Smith (another idol),Peter Faulk, Peter Sellers, Alec Guinness - the list continues, and has been a favorite since childhood. I put it on to lighten my somber mood and it worked incredibly well - well, that and talking to my mom on the phone, in tandem, they calmed me right down.


Tomorrow Mom and Dad are coming out for a visit. Taking me grocery shopping and such. Dar is heading up to NYC tomorrow and I am meeting Alex for coffee around 5. Life is good. I have family and friends and I have to learn how to calm down. 


It will be nice to receive some early birthday money from Mom and Dad, I got my birthday card from Anthropologie with my discount and I have been waiting patiently to use it before my birthday - hopefully to find something cute to wear on my birthday on Thursday - I may have class - but I want to look cute! :)


I guess that this is all the update I have today. I am sure tomorrow there will be much more to say. 


**also, I have thought about adding in some fashions to this blog, eateries and the like - I am happy it isn't a themed blog though - it gives me more freedom to incorporate an amalgam of really interesting fun things!

oh, that is just New York in the morning hunny...

Below is a list compiled from various sources, some of which are my own tidbits - that every New Yorker native or otherwise should know (according to other New Yorkers of course):
1. A subway is a referred in passing as a subway (not a metro), but you look at the train schedule to determine if it is running.
2. "A slice" means one slice of plain cheese pizza. And it should be eaten by holding it folded in half in one hand with the other balancing the tip for the first bite.
3. A bodega is the same as saying a corner store.
4. Give only cross streets to cabbies. New York has a mathematically complicated formula for determining building addresses on any given block - cross streets are the best way to go.
5. If you can cross the street and not be hit by a car, there is no reason to stand and wait for a pedestrian sign - it will only piss off everyone else behind you. Lets go already!
6. Native New Yorkers may not make eye contact on the regular, but they do silently communicate how they plan to navigate on a busy sidewalk, they will use their eyes to look at a space in either the right or left direction of you. If you internalize this neat social cue - you can avoid some head-on collisions.
7. Even streets go East, Odd streets go West.
8. Learning to fold the New York Times into a neat readable square for the subway is a skill passed through generations, it is a throw back to a vintage elegance. Either way - on a subway you should always have something read, and something to block out everyone else.
9. Always keep ear buds in, whether they are connected or not (I used this in Philly all the time when walking home at night) -it gives you plausible deniability to avoid and ignore panhandlers or other seedy characters you don't want a conversation with.
10. New Yorkers are the only people capable of standing "on" line not "in" one. When ordering it is "can I get a..." not "can I please have"
11. Manhattan = The City. The 5 Boroughs = New York. Upstate (NYS) = Who Cares?. Long Island = the Island.
12. Some Conversational Yiddish ;) Meshuga, Chuzpa, Oy vey es mir, Kvell, Kvetch, Schlep, Schmooze, Schpiel,Schmaltz, Schtik.

it's autumn in new york, it is good to live again

I had some free time today between classes and an experiment I was participating in on campus, so I decided to scope out some writing digs and enjoy the sunshine  - this entry was originally by hand - but I decided I liked it enough to put it up here:


    There is a great little writing spot near Havermeyer Hall. It is a small vestibule with umbrellaed tables and stone steps that have a small balcony that overlooks Broadway. It is perfect on an early fall afternoon to just sit and enjoy the sunlight and breeze. I have a perfect vantage point to watch pedestrian traffic,the hustle-bustle of businessmen in crisp white collared shirts, the chaotic speeding students trying to find a path of least resistance as they battle a busy sidewalk, gripping their backpack straps with whitened knuckles and the blue haired lovely ladies of Morningside strolling along with their shopping carts filled with french bread and bouquets of flowers. It is peaceful from this birds-eye-view, the constant steady thrum of city life moving like well oiled gears to the symphony of taxi cab horns. This is my New York as I can best describe it.
    There is a similar venue near Schermerhorn my building on campus, but it is always a bit on the crowded side. This little niche however, is just busy enough to attract one or two people, but quiet enough not to distract. Have I ever told you my building's motto? "Speak to the Earth and it Shall Teach Thee". We are the only building with a motto carved right above its great wooden doors. Speak to the Earth. It just hits somewhere deep and profound within me and makes everything I hope to do in life make sense somehow. 
    It was not an easy path that led me here. But after years of second guessing, I have found my purpose so clearly. I cannot even begin to relate how crazy people thought I was to turn down a posh Ivy law school because my heart just wasn't in it and I wasn't ready to take that next step and commit to that path in life. At times I even thought I was crazy myself, working 40+ hours a week at a job I abhorred. I am so thankful I did. Life has that way of eventually making sense out of everything.
    A year ago today, at this very moment in time, I would be sitting on my lunch break, commiserating with co-workers about how much left I still felt I had to do. I had to believe that the best rewards come to those that push past the day to day securities, pick-up stakes and forge out on their own paths.
    All I keep thinking of is a Duncan Sheik lyric - "Happiness ain't never what you think it should be..." Two years ago, I thought happiness would come from taking my LSATs and heading off to law school, more to fulfill my mother's dreams instead of my own. One year ago, I thought any sort of happiness was transient and hard to obtain. I thought it only happened to people who had the good fortune to know exactly the way their lives were supposed to play out from start to finish. I was sad, confused and anxious. I felt like life was passing me by and that I had missed some golden opportunity somewhere along the way. As if I had somehow cosmically screwed up my chances and failed to grasp that big brass ring in the sky.  I knew somethings for certain though, I knew I wasn't happy. I knew I didn't want to be destined forever to work at an unfulfilling job, far from home and holding onto "someday". I used to say to my roommate all the time back then, "I am so tired of someday, I want something amazing right now." I just wish I would have figured out how to make that happen sooner. 
     Everyday I wake-up and breath in the sites and sounds of New York City and I am happy inside and out. I am restored. When I pack up my notebooks and catch the 1 train uptown, I am happy. I am thankful when I sit in class or in my apartment studying. I am more content then I ever though possible.
     I spoke to the Earth, I prayed to the vast blue of the sky and I wished on every star I could see for 1,030 days, and when I was finally ready to listen, it taught me. It has taught me how when you stop holding on so tightly to all the "could of, would of and should of" thoughts and make the great leap of faith into the unknown, that life in all its mysteries will cast out a safety net. Possibilities will open up and the universe will provide exactly what you need, when you need it, and that if you ask for it and take the time to listen, it will come. 
    I regret nothing in my 23 years. I know that for every stumble and every obstacle, a lesson has been taught that has ultimately gotten me to where I am today. In high school, I learned determination. In undergrad I learned my limits and how to push through them. How to persevere despite how hard it may seem to get ahead. During my two years post-grad, I learned what I never wanted to become. That life's opportunities must be seized when presented to you. That a person is only as good as how they treat others, that there is value to humility and sometimes a person has to take the long way and take a few wrong turns before they ultimately realize what direction they want to go. If all of this had been easy, if all my stars had automatically aligned, I doubt I would be the same person that sits here now putting pen to paper. 
  My life thus far may not have led me to all the places I needed to go, but it got me to where I needed to be, and because of that - I can relish in these perfect sunny afternoons in  my New York.

Who said you can never go home again?

“One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years”

        The day I got my acceptance to Columbia I knew this would be a year of change in my life. After living, working and breathing Philadelphia for six years, four years undergrad and two years in the corporate 9-5, I packed up my worldly possessions loaded the Uhaul and bid farewell to a city that had treated me well for the most part. Of course it wasn't all good, as there was the "almost mugging" on the Broad Street Line and the incident where my car was broken into and my GPS unit stolen; but I had parked it in North Philly and it did have out of state tags. Que sera, sera. 

        I can still clearly remember the day I left my childhood home in New York to embark on my Philadelphia adventure, all of seventeen, overwhelmed but determined to stake a claim into the unknown and strike out and find my independence. I can say with complete confidence there will always be a corner of my heart for Philadelphia. It will always be a second home to me. I made some amazing friends during my time there, best friends, life long friends and have had some of my most amazing memories and times there, but after six years Philly I knew it was time to face facts - I was and always will be a New Yorker, heart and soul. 

       So here I am now, on the cusp of my 24th birthday beginning to reacquaint myself with a place I scarcely got the chance to explore during my childhood years, and from the minute I felt the key slip into tumbler on my own slice of the big Apple, I felt a calm I can barely express. After trying to find myself for so long, it all finally clicked together. Home. 

      I have been an official Upper West Sider for three weeks now and I don't know if I could ever leave here. I don't know how I ever left. 

     So here is to a new journey, a new blog and a fresh start! Welcome <3